Co-regulation / the power of breath
In daily life and in breathworksessions
In this post, you’ll read (in short) what co-regulation is and why it’s so important, how you can use your breath to support it, and the positive effects it can have.
Recently, I was cycling to the village when, in the distance, I saw a car that failed to yield to a car coming from the right. The other driver tried to brake, but it didn’t quite work in time. Bang… Both drivers got out, spoke to each other, and by the time I reached them, one was busy on the phone while the other stood beside her car with tears in her eyes. I parked my bike and walked up to her. “Are you okay?” I asked. “No,” she replied, her voice trembling.
It wasn’t the time nor the place to explain the importance of breathing in stressful situations. This was a moment for ‘doing’. She looked at me with a frightened expression, and at that moment I let out an audible sigh. She sighed too. I then stood next to her and together we looked at the dent in her car. I began breathing audibly: in through the nose and a little longer out through the mouth, with pursed lips as if you were blowing through a straw. She didn’t ask anything, didn’t say anything, she simply followed my breathing. Soon after that, her shoulders relaxed, and I could see that her breath already moved from her throat down toward her chest.
“I feel better now,” she said after a while, surprised, and with a steadier voice than before.
What made it “better”? This happened because of:
Breathing synchronization: aligning breathing patterns, which encourages the other person to unconsciously adopt the same rhythm and
Slowing down and lengthening the exhale: this sends a signal to the rest-and-recovery system in our nervous system, followed by a lower heart rate and reducing muscle tension. With this, there comes more calmness in the system and less stress (see post “Renate breathing slow”).
Aligning breathing patterns is a form of co-regulation. Co-regulation can be described as a process in which one person helps another to calm down. A tuning in between one nervous system and another. This can happen in different ways. Through breath, as described above. But also for example through voice, body posture, touch, or eye contact.
Think of a crying baby being comforted by a parent: gentle rocking and a calm voice have a soothing effect. Or a child who feels reassured by an encouraging look. A partner who offers a listening ear when you come home after a stressful day. Or a hug when you’re going through a difficult time. There are countless examples of the calming effects of co-regulation. The presence of someone who feels calm has a soothing effect on the other person. It happens naturally and automatically.
Co-regulation is essential in moments of anger, anxiety, overstimulation, or when someone struggles with stressful situations. If you are the co-regulator, it’s important that you:
• feel calm—and stay calm
• show this through your voice and body posture
• make contact with the other person
• demonstrate empathy
• choose an appropriate co-regulation action for that moment.
You also see co-regulation with breathers who breathe together in a group. When a group synchronizes their breathing, it creates a sense of connection. This allows your nervous system to settle more deeply, and it often becomes easier to release tension. The sounds of other participants (sighs or other expressions) often invite your own system to let go of tension you may be holding unconsciously. This leads to deep relaxation and a sense of connection.
In the first photo, you see the people who regularly experience this during the Breath & Soundbath that I organize every month together with my breath colleague Margot Rietbergen (second photo). I’m already looking forward to the one in March next week😊!
Wow, wow, yet another very inspiring post. You never miss an opportunity to teach. A seemingly small action but with big impact (good word choice in this case). Thx to share this.